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How To Effortlessly Defend Yourself In An Argument
- Published on Jan 21, 2018 veröffentlicht
- Tyrion Video on Frames: • How To Outsmart A...
Previous JP video on earning respect: • 3 Psychological T...
Jordan Peterson VS Cathy Newman Debate
How To Shut Down Conversational Bullies
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Have you seen the Jordan Peterson and Cathy Newman debate?
See for yourself how he deals with it and give us your opinion in the comments!
We've all found ourselves in conversation and felt attacked like we started off talking about one thing and then the other person twisted our words and before we knew it, we lost our cool, lost respect in their eyes, and maybe even acted like a jerk. Now, I don't normally do the same person twice in a row but this interview between Cathy Newman and Jordan Peterson was just too interesting of an opportunity to discuss how you can handle someone who uses subtle conversational tricks to bully you into looking dumb. So in this video, you're gonna see firsthand some of the most common tricks that people might be using on you and you're also gonna learn how to reverse those so that you can walk out of a kind of aggressive situation having earned more respect than you had going in.
So first off, to stop a conversational bully, you have to realize what's going on before it's too late. Now, typically, a person will reveal their aggressive attitude early on with their tone of voice and their word choice. Check out the rest that we will show in this video and how Jordan Peterson tackles them.
1:49 Jordan Peterson deals with so-you're-saying trap
2:39 Jordan Peterson deals with the "assuming the sale"
5:30 Jordan Peterson deals with the smash technique
7:08 But don't straw man the other person's ideas though
7:47 And visual imagery can also help
8:25 You can show them that they're already agreeing with you
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Comments • 24 313
I love the statement someone made years ago. "People don't want to hear your opinion. They want their opinion to come out of your mouth."
This comment has whispered to my heart.......
I need to be more interested in other people's opinions rather than focusing so much on exciting my own. Thank you.
That is absolutely true 👍
That's what usually happens with my mother. She would say, "But you agree on it. That's what you said last time, or promised last time!" But this type of people usually forget what they said or promised to us. 😢
@Ramon Cotta absolutely fantastic🔥💥☄️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I love how he’s so calm and not letting her manipulate him .
Yep, narcissists are good at that lol
Yes. Jordan is a gentleman and a scholar.
@C Sweeney “it’s very basic” ok there iceman 😂
That interview still gives me goosebumps. He should give classes in verbal self defence
@Lucy Terrier not everyone has received the same quality of education and exposure from their families, whether it be financial constraints, parental relationship issue, or some other reason. Even then, our parents are also human, so they're not necessarily perfect in any way. I don't think there's anything wrong with the young generation, it's just that their opinions are more visible in comparison because of the internet.
I like how you put that "verbal self defense"
And there's more to it, not only you're defending yourself from a verbal abuse but also keeping the person from making you believe that you're doing something you're not and make you confused and crazy
@Lucy Terrier If you don't recognize Peterson's extraordinary for debate, you're either biased or disingenuous.
He does give classes. If I listen: Jordan is "schooling " me. If I listen/ when I pay attention. Best regards. Respectfully submitted for your consideration Gregg Oreo Long Beach Ca Etats Unis
He does give classes. If I listen: Jordan is "schooling " me. If I listen/ when I pay attention. Best regards. Respectfully submitted for your consideration Gregg Oreo Long Beach Ca Etats Unis
Thank you. In the public school system many educators are bullies and shamelessly bully others in front of parents. This is helpful.
@Greninja 95 Yes! :) I remember when it came out and really relating to that song and album, I was a 16 yro. Lol
@Jenny- GrammyJ Gilmore It's "The wall" right?
Pink Floyd wrote a whole song about it lol!
Love these boys. Brave, inspirational, loyal, and real. Was a painful pleasure to listen to you all been so committed to turning a negative into a positive.
Opening the doors for millions of people to face and move forward dealing with difficult life situations. As well as making predators accountable.
We need more of this in this crazy world of ours. Communication is the key.
Wow! What an example! Thank you for choosing this one to demonstrate this great life lesson. She is just throwing so many verbal darts, it's insane! He did handle himself w a calm demeanor that is not simple to carry out considering the rising temperature of this interaction. I really like your point about taking a relaxed position to frame your mind along with. Also really liked how he calmly & casually took in a sip of water while she ranted on. He demonstrated an admirable counter to her rants. Thanks for this, I'll try to implement these tips when confronted in such a manner. Hope I can be as cool & collected as this dude! 😎👍
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Interviewer: So you're disrespecting dead people
Interviewer: so you’re raising your voice at me wanting to argue?
I have a very bossy neighbor who repeatedly had a habit of bullying me. She would rapidly speak without pausing for a response, including rude presuppositions and untrue accusations, all in a barrage of a nonstop onslaught. To actually interact with her and the many attacks through the years, I finally had to yell nonstop over her voice, saying only my honest thoughts.
I now avoid interacting with her and she finally leaves me alone. I had to become something I don't like to deal with this bullying personality. I've always been a "too nice" person, and this was a real learning experience for me.
JP's "Gotchya" in that interview is something he later expressed regret for but I think it was the shot that rang out around the world - it had so much impact that it elevated the confrontational and bullying elements of this interview to not only international and viral levels of attention but it attained a mythical status especially amongst netizens who had seen discourse become increasingly irrational and emotional with really partisan ideas being pushed at all costs.
Plus it was awfully funny at the time and has provided us with that most incredibly valuable of properties - it became a MEME.
@Jon Wood I thought it lightened the mood - he already had her on the canvas and she very much knew that, I've never seen her pulled apart like that since or before. This dismantling alone is more than she could fight against... It carried as the soundbite to the wider world too. She is very high profile here so it was quite the shock to see her in that situation, the bully battered and bleeding on the canvas like that. The even faked a series of "attacks" and "threats" afterwards to try and drum up some dramahood around it afterwards.
Nah. When I first ever watched this interview I hated that bit. He had her completely stumped and on the rack, lost for words. The gotcha gave her an escape route. He should have just remained silent. The rest was great though.
When society finally crumbles the next civilasation will find nothing but memes
Thank you for the helpful video! Great tips and tricks to be used in everyday life.
"Once someone has spent enough time cultivating bad habits and biding their time, they are much diminished.
Much of what they could have been has dissipated." --- Jordan Peterson
I'm just impressed with people like Jordan where these sort of nuanced conversational skills are engrained and even subconsious to them. This comes (I imagine) from both natural ability and years of practice.
I am much slower at processing information and keeping up with such fast conversations...
He’s a psychologist, it’s his job to carefully listen and communicate with his clients. He probably dealt with so much fast talkers throughout those years
When I watched that interview for the first time, that Gotcha moment to me felt like a light-hearted one that made him feel capable of humor and laughing in the middle of a heated/uncomfortable discussion. 😆
Cathy is a bully then plays the Victim when she lost
Actually, everyone working for that channel thought the interview went very well. Those people are extremely deluded.
These tables,🤣good idea.
@Viktoriya Serebryakov I know. Anyone who defends such behavior by saying "it's just her job" has never heard of the Nuremberg Defense. [Why did I throw that baby up in the air and shoot it in front of its mother? Because it was my JOB! I was just following orders." "Well then, carry on."]
Basically don't defend yourself on every question, stay on subject and listen to what they are saying
@Casual Gambit JP always stays on topic and is almost always respectful. Unfortunately, people don't often return the favor.
something JP never does lmfao.
zizek vs JP debate was so much fun. JP stopped going to debates from that point lol
Ahh yes... I was having an argument with my friend and I couldn't answer her questions. So I told her to "please wait for 15 minutes and I'll respond to your questions". So I took my phone, watched this and she was laughing soo hard that she forgot that we were even arguing.
This actually does work.
Big brain move bro
I NEVER thought I’d be watching a video on this topic! I’ve always been extremely kind and genuine. I’m a former high school teacher and was very respectful to EVERY single student. (I even found out I stopped a young man from committing suicide after school one day because of something I said.)
However, the narcissist my daughter married 10 years ago, has bullied me since they moved out of my house. I started coming to their apartment to watch their little girl (always for free) while they worked and started being accosted by my son-in-law with such rude and disrespectful comments that absolutely floored me! I had never been treated like that and would never think of treating anyone else like that. No one believed me at first, but he now also bullies my ex-husband and son. For a while, he turned my daughter against me, and we will never be as close as we once were.
My sisters also now dislike me probably because I have been chronically sick for the past 20 years, and was unavailable to attend family functions. They thought I was on drugs, but I had breast implant illness and mold toxicity, autoimmune diseases, infections, etc, and I was a “hypochondriac”; although I have proof of everything and surgery I had.
My daughter and son-in-law loves them because one is extremely wealthy (multimillionaires by marriage), and the other has latched into her. I am now the only one of three girls that went to college and had a career. But, I’m now the scapegoat in a narcissist family cult.
A neighbor and “sort-of” friend of theirs said they are like “The Twilight Zone”.
Now, I have to prepare myself for when I see them and talk to my sisters who only communicate with me through my daughter. I’m so sad about this because I love everyone and see the good in people, but now I have to be on the defensive. 😢
I’ve decided not to attend family functions where I’m treated with disrespect and ignored. I wish them well, but in a couple of years I will move to another state near my best friend, and not have to worry about my stomach being in knots because of the way I’m treated. 💪💫
My opinion is Family first “no matter what.” I may not agree with my adult child’s decision or the spouse he/she has, but I be damned if, I would allow some rude, weak, & disrespectful spouse/ life partner or whatever, separate me from my loved one or cause my loved one to ostracize me. If he’s as big a bully as you say. You being a female, should be as confrontational as possible with this bully and force you’re options on him. Treat him just like he acts. You didn’t tolerate disrespectful bully’s or allow them to control your classroom? Go back and take every opportunity to treat & speak to this bully, like a child. People will only treat you the way you allow them to. Teach your child & her bully spouse, how to stand up to a bully and no longer tolerate, the disrespect. Who knows maybe your child will, see the change that occurred in you because of him & follow suit.
@Local_therapistok so firstly, self-doubt exists and most of the time good people question themselves more because they’re actually trying to do the right thing. Secondly, you really can’t just assume that about someone and that’s really rude.
Thirdly, what makes you think you have the right to comment on something you aren’t even willing to read and/or understand, especially to call someone “vile and petty”? Go look in the mirror, buddy.
This is a masterclass in how NOT to do an interview. Cathy embarrassed herself. JP is a legend!
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Thank you but Jordan deserves the spotlight.
This is a master class on how to not narrate.
Also jp is the man!
Her interviewing technique is very aggressive and almost 'bullying' she's obviously trying to get the better of Jordan by interrupting him and trying to put words in his mouth to make him look bad, thankfully Jordan saw past this and behaved admirably 👏👏
Him saying “gotcha” actually helped her. The awkward silence would have been much much worse for her.
Nah, she lacks the critical thinking ability to understand she had to feel embarrassed there. He just drove it home and embarrassed her further by having her admit publicly that he “got her” how many arguments have you had with an angry woman end that way? Or any ignorant person for that matter? Silence is all well and good for drama in movies but when you’re in an intellectual debate with a moron, getting them to admit defeat even in the smallest degree is a large victory.
I don’t believe so, it makes her think, not all is so clear as she might believe, that she is unerringly and has the absolute truth…..
He was able to lightened the mood following the silence in a playful way without disrespecting her.
@Kartist Yep. CHECKMATE.
It's true. Jordan was kind enough to remind her that they were playing tennis and while he had scored, it was time for the next serve. Pretty friendly, really.
I enjoyed your analysis. I loved the "gotcha" moment. It was like a victory shout. This interview was a competitive debate, and Jordan was saying "checkmate." It's what made this interview a classic.
Staying calm and collected is probably one of the most important points. A lot of people, especially on these kind of topics, argue out of emotion. Their arguments will be flawed. Trying to stay on point and correcting their false interpretation of your argument goes a long way. Even better, call them out on their misinterpretation.
Great video! However I do believe this is only applicable when there is an audience involved that can judge the situation objectively. Behind closed doors or 1 to 1 this would have to ble tackled differently and as you said, with a more emotional approach! Great video
Every person dealing with Lawyers should learn this kind of stuff.
This is why he is perfectly capable of defending himself in court.
Something I’ve noticed about Jordan is he never tries to change anyone’s mind. He states his case, and lets the cards fall where they may, so to speak. Also, Kathy was wrong and silly looking and kudos to Jordan for showing that was the case!
My gosh! This man deserves an award after dealing with all the crazy talk without even being rude.
@36minutesAgo LOL perfect example
J.P eats that like candy. She’s like a kitten batting the face of a very patient German shepherd...
@ALonelyWalker So, you're saying that... 😂
Insert a yo mama joke
@ALonelyWalker and when in the video did you see him harassing her? Its a debate and what would you say if peterson was a women huh!! 🤔
Brilliant analysis. Sadly, not so few people could really use this kind of advice even when interacting with their spouses…
My biggest weakness in arguments is exactly what you described-I use a straw man when I notice someone else is using one. It’s a difficult urge to fight, because it’s an attempt (typically draped in sarcasm) to hold a mirror up to the person and say “this is what you look like!” However, it usually muddies the context of the original point.
Sarcasm can be a great tool when I’m with like-minded people, because conversations become more fun and I form a deeper bond with the select few. But I need to learn how to tone it down in other contexts.
Fantastic video and explanations. I am constantly getting caught in these exact traps to my detriment (even though I can argue the sh!t out of anyone and drive them nuts before I have realised it - in my mind!). I am technically correct, even though usually (says wife!).
Being bullied is no fun for the one being bullied. How do you stop someone from bullying you verbally or even physically? Stand up to them one time, you'll never have to deal with them again.
As a person who spent all of his high school career in speech and debate the most effective way to ask questions was by starting off with “wouldn’t you agree that xyz is bad?”effectively forcing the person being questioned to agree with you or contradict themselves
@noturbusiness123 Basically every internet debate nowadays. People don’t even care about whats right they just be saying stuff only to argue.
It does not force a contradiction if they are honest. Especially if they don't care what you think or how they are perceived for being honest.
Newman: “so you’re saying that you now own me.”
@Jay Wilson Bro found a thesaurus
Its funny or novel to play this presumptive rebuttal scenario.....but we don't have to! Reality shows us what her response was.....nothing!
That's even funnier than some mocked up scenario such as yours. To get a verbose,opinionated, and rehearsed individual to become so at odds with their thoughts and what they were expecting to say that they momentarily lose the ability to rebut with any intelligible thought is the closest form of "owning someone" there is. This stands alone as the greatest humor to be taken away from the "debate". Unfortunately 5.5k people are more easily amused with unoriginal and unreal scenario humor than the actual real time humor they witnessed.
Peterson: Yes, that's right.
"Owned? Yes you are absolutely owned now, well done on playing yourself".
Newman: so you're saying women can't deliver news?"
I ain't gonna lie. I came up with these strategies on my own whilst arguing with my dad LOL. Perfect test subject.
This video was great. Thank you for sharing it. The man did in the video was fabulous. He showed her where to get off but he did it in the right and true way while she danced around and tried to attack but he successfully dodged all her barbs.
That Jordan Peterson interview in my opinion, is the best example of holding one's own in a conversation. When I first saw that entire interview, I was floored and was mentally taking notes, haha! Bravo, Dr. Peterson!
I’ve never lost an argument. What I do is repeat what they’ve said and work the phrase “your mom” into it
The "so-you-are-saying", question overflow, smash teqnique and questions with assumptions... These are all useful things to know about. Thank you, keep it up
"Sure is nice out today."
"So you're denying climate change?"
@Eric Thompson Seriously. I had a thought along the same lines. Who is it that wouldn't want you to do that? The Grand Manipulators who run the studios. Forget their shrill minion. Go for the jugular and make them have to switch to commercial while they go insane trying to figure out what to do about the huge embarrassment.
@Trent Mcgready Holy smokes... I don't pay attention to media personalities and thus know zero about JP. Glad to have the heads-up!
I don’t “like” compound questions myself. I’ve always felt like these questions are intended to maybe confuse the issues or if one happens to “miss” an answer to one question they’ll then pounce. Ask me one question at a time and I’ll answer each. It feels like an attack with several questions in rapid fire.
That’s exactly the point. It’s to confuse you and make you look like a moron and your point invalid. Quite juvenile but impressive tactic. It’s only worth it if you have no intention to be friends with that person and your only goal is to destroy that person or his point.
I believe the name for what you called the smash technique is "double barreled question". It happens a lot when amateurs or bad actors create questions on questionnaires. "A double-barreled question is an informal fallacy. It is committed when someone asks a question that touches upon more than one issue, yet allows only for one answer. "
This is a real classic intervue. JBP shows how brilliant he is.
You can watch it many times and still discover new things and learn...
Thank you for this informative video. I am currently taking an American politics class, and even early on, the discussions are conducted in the similarly to the way the journalist conducts her side of the discussion. Unfortunately, as of right now, I don't know nearly enough factual information to be able to put up much of a debate. However, the little I do put forth is more involved with how the discussion is carried out rather than the content of the discussion. I might not know as much as they do but at the very least I want to make sure that the discussion is put in a way to allow for critical thinking and not just crowling others to think a certain way. I want to be able to fully understand and write down different points of view so as to mull over later when I get the chance and actually glene some useful insight from them.
You will have to research obsessively into the topics of discussion from all sides of the argument without any personal bias to find what’s really going on
Thank you for the chronology breakdown of the hidden distraction and deceptive proposition that makes one commit themselves to accept falsification to their narrative.
Jordan: uh... this conversation is getting annoying
Cathy: So you're saying talking with women is annoying
Name one person in this world who wants to talk to her? I bet she got divorced after this interview lol and she should. This woman needs mental help asap
Yes.... as with all women.
I’ve always been of the inclination to not get into arguments in the first place. Then you don’t have to get out of them, (in the second place). Believe it or not there are many ways of dealing with differences in experience, without resorting to belligerence.
One thing i've always commended Jordan and many other intellectuals with is that they never shy away from a question. Often times in argument people will dismiss (or ignore) what the other party is saying in hopes that they will appear more dominant (or correct). Jordan shows the power of acknowledging everything a person says to help him further his own point of view or to expose weakness in their perspective. It also shows humility as opposed to the other method showing arrogance.
People often feel they have to answer quickly before they get interrupted or another question thrown at them. Don’t fear silence, several moments to gather your thoughts and think about what you want to say. It they butt in or start talking before you answer it inly makes them look bad.
She is an example of how everyone is being trained and indoctrinated in the grossly misnamed ‘educational system’ !
I discovered this video and now I am greatly attached to the channel.... these videos breakdown the great psychology/debate with good and fluent English, not like the modern how u doin' type(that is the primary reason why I like this video because I got to hear such good English after a very long time).
Bad idea to play mind games with a psychology professor.
@O O Apparently. It's not the size of th econ that makes an individual a grifter, though. Trump's a grifter, for example.
@prophetsnake Sorry man, I guess our definition of the word is different.
@O O I didn't say he was small time. I said he was a grifter.
Just shows me fellowship and goodness and understanding among people is less than gone it never was, I’ve given up on society and become a loner
In real life, I always try not to speak too much unless I have to because I am afraid of getting into these kind of arguments, and I was always backed into a corner. This was really informative.
@EarthSurferUSA thank you, and I am aware that it is not a good habit.
I am the other way around. I thrive on expressing my thoughts, ideas and conclusions. What the vid did not mention was "premise". If you notice, those "targeting questions" are almost always based on a false premise. If you try to answer that question, you are only supporting the false premise. So you have to expose that the question is based on a false premise, (with reason/reality), and that will make the question invalid for anybody who has interest in reality. The problem come across, is people who have no interest in reality, but just how they feel. You can show that person a fact that does not fit their perception, and instead of accepting the fact by adjusting their perception to accept the fact, thus thinking closer to reality,---they reject the fact because to accept it would mean they change a good portion of their perception. That is why so many people do not thin in reality. They reject it. Not good for a good future at all.
I like what you said at the end about Jordon not addressing the deeper emotional concern of Kathy. That if more people will listen to the heart and connect there, less arguments would be necessary. Kathy may feel that she has an obligation to defend women who have been discriminated against. Maybe she experienced pain in her family and upbringing on this point, making her super sensitive to turn against anyone that does not seem to care about that perspective and experience. Makes it difficult for her to objectively listen to Jordan. She actually just wants to feel loved and valued as a woman. Maybe she has daddy issues, as so many women has.
The reason why he is surviving those agressive interviews is that he is highly compassionate person. That 'gotcha' is the true exemple of it. He defends the truth and wants everyone to believe it, even those how want to see him destroyed.
JP did a fantastic job, leaning back relaxed non aggressive cool and making his points. She was an attack dog, leaning forward bullying and in the end looking a complete fool. I personally very much enjoyed the "Gotcha"
I once had a friend who did this to me. She was great at deflection also. I solved the “problem” by leaving the friendship.
Bulls eye. KA-POW !!!!!!!!!!!!. Charisma dude is trying hard. But Jordan should have walked out at her first snide insult. end of Show Bosses are PISSED !!!!; and she goes down a peg for losing a valuable pig that was for the slaughter. Infact her career could be in doubt. The channel would be famous for the wrong reason/s and lose viewership and advertising support. Jordan could have cost them MILLIONS. Tom Cruise told an interviewer to get his manners in. Also Tom wouldn't have been interviewed by her in the first place. He'd allow Ray Martin of Australia; who invites him to stay at his house with a beer in the fridge !. Ray would not DARE insult Tom; not Jordan either.
That was no friend. I have had so many "so called best friends" that were actually my worst enemy. That person has a superior psychological problem as inferiority complex that must be displayed as superiority complex in social gatherings. A deadly combination, yet so many use it all the time.
@Shaina Vergith lol
@Shaina Vergith wooo steady on the gaslighting there Amber Heard! 😅
Love the term “ conversional bully”!!! That’s what she is! Rude, arrogant and a bully. She keeps talking over him and won’t let him answer yet he keeps his cool and is respectful yet forceful. Wonderful!!
" if one is always talking but never listening, one can never learn something new!
Yet for some people, this is equivalent to weakness...their ego has been hurt or embarassed.
Not only is it a sign of wisdom to listen respectfully to the other person...but also to find a way to help them save face by using examples that are not personally offensive...
"I had a friend who had the same thing happen,.. he resolved it this way & had fvery good results.
Very informative and helpful! Thank you!
Hi. Would you perhaps do more videos on ending arguments?
Specifically within the male/female relationship/marriage dynamic.? After being married alittle over a decade I have noticed a pattern between my wife and I and I am trying really hard to find the answer to break the cycle.
@Alias of an alias there's no reason to tell them to divorce if you don't know theur situation,they are married for decade and you simply telling to divorce as if they were married for 1 year or 2
Find the root cause of the problem and see what needs to be corrected.
Marriage counseling, openness and honesty, fair and even compromise.
Thank you so much for this video, really good explanation of this stuff!
The level of patience Peterson has is just out of this world.
You know this interview was a setup for his self-promotion machine, right?
I don't agree because she makes good points that suggest the opposite is true. If Peterson has trouble with honest fair assessment its a obvious sign of impatience. Constantly talking to people or at people who already agree with you is preaching, which leads to creating echo chambers. On this show, Peterson should be expected to debate and With a debate, you're expected to challenge yourself by making arguments that are responsive as long points are made done well and have merit. If your saying your opponents views are just flawed because blind faith in you own ideas its just better because no explainable reason giving you likely in desperate need to reconsider the merits of your own ideas and development them. This often requires a lot of patience detial and understanding the othersides arguments should be able to hold up to scuiy.I like to be challenged. I don't like arguments. To omit the most obvious facts or avoid them entirely is a massive tell that a person who does this is used to having a self serving way of thinking and is basically negligent never having to have patience with others only being around people who will worship what they say taking it as always fact. Nothing is perfect so the best way to under how to better one's own argument is to listen to an opposing view and under the merits of it even if you disagree and find flaws they have given plenty time to dispute them is not self serving or self affirming it requires a difficult critical view on things in your own point of view also.
Will you just stop talk and let the video rolling!!
Yup. I need to learn that kind of Zen.
Your videos are absolutely amazing. Keep up the great work brother!
I look relaxed because i just don't care. When they bombard me with questions I do not have answers for I stare through their eyes. It works like a charm.
It's easier to end an argument than this video all you have to say is you are absolutely right I totally agree with your point of view
I will try to remember these word play argument tactics the next time I argue with somebody,but that'll be on the night of the next blue moon, because that's how often I do ever get into arguments.
10:09 ok I LOLd for real at this moment. Jordan did an amazing job dissecting that person's argument, and you did an amazing job with this video!
I learned a lot time ago that it’s okay to be wrong and the sooner you can accept that your argument is invalid, the sooner you can learn about the truth. Ask questions, inform yourself, it’s okay to have been wrong. It’s not the end of your intelligence, it’s the start of your growth.
Also, being able to say "I don't know." A middle-school science teacher pointed out that a good scientist will say that rather than scrambling to come up with an unsubstantiated opinion. It's actually much more respectable to simply say so, when you don't know something for sure.
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Absolutely!! It just requires a lot of self awareness and some humility…two things that seem too be lacking in our culture as of late.
Then why the people don't believe the one true God (Allah).
No offense, respect everyone believes but I found that most of them are following it blindly.
Don't follow anything blindly .Be a truth seeker.❤️
It has been my experience that when people are acting like this woman, using strongman arguments, and otherwise being very dishonest with their line of questioning, not only do they not want to be convinced of your belief, but they almost never will be.
I'm glad you pointed out that Peterson was here likely to hopefully convince the audience, not the host. It sounds like that woman is there to argue and destroy if she can. Nasty.
I think what Kathy didn't mentally address is that an argument can end in agreement. She constantly was looking for a problem making false accusations (as mentioned in the video "straw manning") so when Jordan made the "gotcha" moment she felt embarrassed due to the wrong mindset. Perhaps she saw him as an enemy rather than answers. She could've avoided the embarrassment and asked a question or stated her agreement. Jordan is a man who knows how to argue, that's for sure.
When I usually argue with people I end up yelling as a crazy person because I have anger issues and after I listen them talk and try to start talking they keep cutting me off or when they realize I’m right without saying it they shut me up and say they don’t want to listen to me anymore and still stay on their side and they start talking barley giving me any time to talk which makes me feel like their disrespecting me and I hate being disrespected so I start yelling 😅
Jordan is awesome. The only way to make the world a better place is to work on yourself. Better you're self each day and that is the meaning of life. It make others around you better. Kathy needs to do alot of work.
Jordan spent decades learning psychology. He knows what people mean when they say something.
"Winning" an argument is easy. Changing someone's mind is another story.
Changing their mind IS winning, but it doesn't happen overnight
@Lowendfrequencylifting was his turn to drug abuse in fact, substantiated? And if so, did he say it was bc of the reason you state? This sounds like conjecture. Even so, it seems defeatist to say stay in your echo chamber. What’s the point? Getting accolades? We must persevere and never give up, esp. about the hard issues. It’s uncomfortable, costly and sometimes life threatening. But necessary. Only brave souls will continue fighting but we have to encourage and try to protect them as much as we can. Our future depends on it.
Yeah, no, winning is not easy. But he both senses of it, he won. Perhaps not with her, but with many viewers, he got them thinking, at the very least. And she won’t be forgetting that exchange for a very long time.
Well, changing one's mind is not as easy as a debate. In debates, disagreeing makes the two sides build stronger opinions about what they think is right.
People often have preconceived ideas or opinions and seek validation or agreement from others.
Expressing a different opinion can be seen as a challenge or a threat to their beliefs or values.
Some people may try to persuade or pressure others to conform to their views or opinions.
It is important to respect others' opinions while also being authentic and true to yourself.
Effective communication involves active listening, empathy, and open-mindedness, rather than just trying to impose one's own opinion on others.
Amazing psychological analysis. I'm really interested and impressed how people managed to achieve these. It's amazing! U too
I like your channel a lot. I get ran over in almost every conversation I have. Lol
Bottom line, why place yourself in a situation where certain people will try to start up something with you? Frankly, it's simpler to just avoid these types of people. If that isn't possible, then turn and walk away when they begin to ramp themselves up. Nobody needs verbal bullies in their lives.
I mean if it's personal and if avoiding the fight helps your peace that's great. But if it's a social argument...
As a former LEO, I found that it not only makes the Attacking Attorney ANGRY and lose focus, but gives YOU time to think and answer correctly if you "COUNT TO 6" Before answering, Regardless if the moment is High Pitched and the Lawyer is in your face. This REALLY throws the Defendant's Lawyer off his/her game. yeah, I LIKED screwing with Ambulance Chasers.
I remember something like this happening to me back in college. I was eating lunch with some of my fellow math tutors when I made an off-hand remark that had something to do with women's brains having larger language processing centers than men's. Immediately after saying that, the girl sitting next to me (also a math tutor) barked at me, "there's no evidence that men are better at math than women!" Caught off guard, my mind raced to come up with a counter argument. After a second of contemplation, it dawned on me that I didn't actually believe men were inherently better at math and never said anything to that effect. I slowly turned to look at her and calmly asked, "when did I say anything about math?" She immediately backed off, finished her meal in silence, and left about five minutes later.
And GOSH DARN did it ever feel good! Oh yeah, and don't lose your cool or whatever...
@KoAWell, usually a witty joke about their intellectual incompetencies works...or you could always punch them in the face. That works too.
@Fish4Man61 That's not quite true. It may be true once people develop their careers, pursuing what interests them, but boys and girls are about the same in crude math ability and initial achievement. Part of the problem is that kids are told to "do what you are good at" as a career. Both boys and girls are doing say, B-level work in math, on average. But the girls are excelling a bit more in language-based classes, and it comes easier to them, and the boys (relatively to their math class performance) lag behind a bit in their language-based classes. (I am speaking in general; I'm not talking exceptions or specific examples, because there are plenty of brilliant young men in English class or smart girls in math class. When I taught English class, both boys and girls in the lower math class students complained about their algebra classes to me!) THEN, what you do hear as a teen or young adult? "As a career, DO WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT." Each kid looks at what they think they are good at--Relatively speaking, compared to their other classes, boys ARE better at math, and girls ARE better at English. Also, men are more naturally drawn to math and science related careers and women tend to gravitate toward nurturing careers such as teaching, nursing, and non-profit work. So it could end up being true that men in general are better at math than the average woman based on what they did with their education and career. AGAIN, complete generalities; certainly we have people who break those trends. My sister in law is a new engineering professor having just finished a new graduate degree.
Yes, that would have been an even more effective way for JP to have handled those straw man statements. A brief moment of silence, a slightly puzzled expression, and then: "I'm sorry... Ms. Newman? When exactly did I say that?"
Have you considered the reason she would jump to the defensive is because her math have been consistently questioned to the point where she assumes any comments about brains will be a veiled criticism?
Imagine Cathy’s kids seeing that 18 MILLION people have seen their mum be a bully and as thick as two short planks at the same time ! 😮😂
He deals so elegantly and brilliantly with this interview. He's kind of like a conversational Aikido master.
Regardless of the discussion and opinions in the interview itself (never saw beyond this so I don't know) he handled her interview tactics well, good for him!
dam man, thanks for the videos theyre much appreciated i never sub right away i always have to watch a bunch of videos to make sure its sub worthy, but after 2 videos on this channel youve already proven urself thanks again man
I wish there was a way I could make this show in my notifications every day
Jordan: "I like dogs"
Kathy: "So you're saying that you hate cats?"
it happens a lot in Indian news debates.. reporters push their words in other people mouth.
More like “You like dogs? Isn’t that supporting childfree women who own dogs? Wouldn’t that contradict every single one of your previous points?
I have like those friends they mad weird
"Not as much as I hate you"
Wow! Thank you!!! You taught me a lot in a short amount of time.
Very enjoyable video, good analysis of a masterful example of how to be a participant in a conversation instead of just a victim to of one.
I would have liked to see more investigation into what I suppose I will call, for lack of a better term, some possible "Benignly Proactive" moves that could have been used, instead of the mainly Reactionary ones that were. You touch on it briefly on the idea at the end, hypothesizing that if Mr. Peterson had chosen to get at the core of the emotional hostility, instead of dancing around it's symptoms, the whole interview might have been less hostile and more persuasive going forward.
Imagine if Mr. Peterson began to ask questions of his own, instead of merely fielding (albeit, brilliant) the traps and attacks? I think there is a mental block for some of us, self included, against going on the 'offensive' [not being offensive, that's different, but talking about seizing the momentum in a conversation], because we don't conceptualize the conversation as a chance to score points, but as a trial to avoid losing points.
Maybe in this specific example, these tools wouldn't have been the most appropriate, being a formal show environment with him cast as interviewee. However, generally speaking, being ready and willing to call hostile and manipulative counterparts out on what they are doing and digging into why this behavior is happening can and should be one of your conversational tools, as it puts the pressure off you and onto them.
Questions like "Why did you come here to pick a fight, I thought this was an interview?" or "Can we pause here for a moment to address the underlying hostility in the way you have been framing your questions? We're both people trying to communicate our framework for understanding the world, why aren't you seemingly interested in having that honest discussion?" or even a playful "You don't like me or my ideas very much, do you?" could have served to stall out the assault and put Cathy on the defensive, invoking perhaps even reflection, and importantly, could achieve all of that without being unkind, overly aggressive, or manipulative.
Just my two cents, and maybe you cover a similar idea in another video so all of this isn't really new ground. Either way, will be subscribing and watching more content from your channel. Thank you.
I'm so glad to hear this. I'm very uncomfortable not saying things as I see them and instead basically ducking one attack after another via what are in fact counter-manipulative manipulations. Granted, that ducking technique MAY well be the wise tack to take - it reminds me of how martial arts systems say that if someone's not a worthy enemy, the best response is to run. I recently heard even Eckhart Tolle, whom I admire, say that one does better, in engaging bizarre people, to speak from a perspective on their level. I forget his example, but it was similar to "If someone tells you they're really a fish, don't point out that they're not; ask them whether they're a trout, or a tuna." Yes, that keeps them from getting angry at you (maybe), but what's the value?
whoa who whoa... I never actually thought there was so much mind work going on behind the sceens. Truly love this guy.
Arguing takes efforts, even when you're very good at it. Making it look effortless helps...
Thanks man ! love your videos!. A good one to use is, pause... and then after facial body language and voice of an inquisitive and curious almost kindness of a neutral tone and say "that's an interesting point of view" ! encourage their analysis and listen intently, look away when they criticise and pause again. When you ask them to explain their line of questioning and judgements they will often begin to find flaws in their own opinions and judgements by reverting to a open minded neutrality that you handed to them on a plate !
Peterson: “What a clear, sunny day.”
Newman: “So you’re saying clouds have no right to be here?”
Cen caoi a bhuil tu?
@John Tuohy Dia duit 🙂
Is mise, Seamus.:
I will forever be grateful for the single course in Logic I took in University. I'm astounded this vital subject isn't even mentioned in schools. Understanding logical fallacy and recognizing it in peoples arguments has allowed me to effectively disseminate information in institutionalized/social media. Having said that, it's annoying reading comments on anything regarding Jordan Peterson because as we all know, the internet is a cesspool of lies and stupidity.
Agree completely. And I'm sure the absence of such teaching is purposeful! Even back in the stone age when I was in school (60's), there was one and only one day (in 7th grade math class) where logic was "covered." And even then, not all the examples given were LOGICAL! Nowadays, it hurts the soul to see how unquestioningly people accept whatever they're told, regardless how illogical.
There used to be a great podcast called LSAT Logic in Everday Life that did this. It was amazing to just see so much public media narratives completely fall limp when a dose of logical consistency was applied to them.
these videos are literally therapy for me
She got a highly skilled interview technique to pick exactly who’s the person behind.
As Nietzsche said (roughly): if you answer someone's questions, in doing so, you validate the terms in which they depict reality.
Wow thank you so much for that video.🙂 my ex-wife was a lawyer and I used to come home after A Hard Day's work and she would begin these arguments and I couldn't figure out where she was coming from or nothing, she had such a debative spirit I'm going what is going on and as a lawyer those things that she learned in debating in the courtroom she brought to the marriage and she created a divorce. She sued me and took everything that I had including my business and most of my personal stuff. I was so belittled for years I was distraught and felt somewhat overwhelmed and not even a man anymore. I wished I knew how I could have answered the questions without being upset. I think that somewhat a lawyer woman would not do that to a man knowing what they know.
@Ann Pettus thank you for your compassion. Always keep your heart and you will be just fine. Treat others good whether they deserve it or not. And you will do great.
@floyd buster Still, I relate to the sense of "what did I do to deserve THIS?!?" Your situation reminds me of the expression popular a few decades ago, "Bad sh|t happens to good people." I'm SO sorry you had to get involved with, and endure someone who's obviously psychotic.
We, almost everyone in the world, are subject to the programming that we're inherently bad, guilty. Working at changing that deep-seated erroneous belief is the task of a lifetime!
But maybe keeping that task in mind; and making sure to keep your physical strength up (for self-confidence and stability) are a start. Just my two cents, it's what I'm trying to do whilst under attack by a bully-psycho.
If they are using tactics they are wrong and they know it. Just argue the facts and stay on topic. It isn't that hard.
The people that worked very hard at trying to destroy my life. Are either deceased or karma caught up in them in a way that beyond their worst fears. Some of them are deceased. Two have had an offspring, that committed a heinous sexual crime. Unreal how karma always strikes like a thief in the night, to people that think there will never be any consequences of the echo effect.
@David Hall yes you are correct. I wish nothing bad on anybody. What goes around comes around
He is a clinical psychologist with years of experience dealing with angry, self righteous people like the interviewer.
@Johnny Just because he acts reasonable doesn't make him right
@Tomaso Consenza joined 1 day ago... don't feed the troll
@Tomaso Consenza okay tough guy. Try some humble pie.
Guarantee you in a firefight you'd be crying for mom.... all the "tough guys" do.
LOVE the vid, learned some. Will definitely need to rewatch a few times to get more. Seemed to go too fast for me.
If anyone starts firing off rapid fire accusations like she did, just let her blabber on, stare at her. Then be like "You done?" You can NEVER let the attacker set the pace of the conversation or you will be their puppet. Force them to obey the curteous "game of catch" that it should be and you avoid all these traps outright.
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