How To Effortlessly Defend Yourself In An Argument

I love the statement someone made years ago. "People don't want to hear your opinion. They want their opinion to come out of your mouth."

I love how he’s so calm and not letting her manipulate him .

That interview still gives me goosebumps. He should give classes in verbal self defence

Thank you. In the public school system many educators are bullies and shamelessly bully others in front of parents. This is helpful.

Love these boys. Brave, inspirational, loyal, and real. Was a painful pleasure to listen to you all been so committed to turning a negative into a positive.
Opening the doors for millions of people to face and move forward dealing with difficult life situations. As well as making predators accountable.
We need more of this in this crazy world of ours. Communication is the key.

Wow! What an example! Thank you for choosing this one to demonstrate this great life lesson. She is just throwing so many verbal darts, it's insane! He did handle himself w a calm demeanor that is not simple to carry out considering the rising temperature of this interaction. I really like your point about taking a relaxed position to frame your mind along with. Also really liked how he calmly & casually took in a sip of water while she ranted on. He demonstrated an admirable counter to her rants. Thanks for this, I'll try to implement these tips when confronted in such a manner. Hope I can be as cool & collected as this dude! 😎👍

Jordan: breathes
Interviewer: So you're disrespecting dead people

I have a very bossy neighbor who repeatedly had a habit of bullying me. She would rapidly speak without pausing for a response, including rude presuppositions and untrue accusations, all in a barrage of a nonstop onslaught. To actually interact with her and the many attacks through the years, I finally had to yell nonstop over her voice, saying only my honest thoughts.
I now avoid interacting with her and she finally leaves me alone. I had to become something I don't like to deal with this bullying personality. I've always been a "too nice" person, and this was a real learning experience for me.

JP's "Gotchya" in that interview is something he later expressed regret for but I think it was the shot that rang out around the world - it had so much impact that it elevated the confrontational and bullying elements of this interview to not only international and viral levels of attention but it attained a mythical status especially amongst netizens who had seen discourse become increasingly irrational and emotional with really partisan ideas being pushed at all costs.
Plus it was awfully funny at the time and has provided us with that most incredibly valuable of properties - it became a MEME.

Thank you for the helpful video! Great tips and tricks to be used in everyday life.
"Once someone has spent enough time cultivating bad habits and biding their time, they are much diminished.
Much of what they could have been has dissipated." --- Jordan Peterson

I'm just impressed with people like Jordan where these sort of nuanced conversational skills are engrained and even subconsious to them. This comes (I imagine) from both natural ability and years of practice.
I am much slower at processing information and keeping up with such fast conversations...

When I watched that interview for the first time, that Gotcha moment to me felt like a light-hearted one that made him feel capable of humor and laughing in the middle of a heated/uncomfortable discussion. 😆

Cathy is a bully then plays the Victim when she lost

Basically don't defend yourself on every question, stay on subject and listen to what they are saying

Ahh yes... I was having an argument with my friend and I couldn't answer her questions. So I told her to "please wait for 15 minutes and I'll respond to your questions". So I took my phone, watched this and she was laughing soo hard that she forgot that we were even arguing.
This actually does work.

I NEVER thought I’d be watching a video on this topic! I’ve always been extremely kind and genuine. I’m a former high school teacher and was very respectful to EVERY single student. (I even found out I stopped a young man from committing suicide after school one day because of something I said.)
However, the narcissist my daughter married 10 years ago, has bullied me since they moved out of my house. I started coming to their apartment to watch their little girl (always for free) while they worked and started being accosted by my son-in-law with such rude and disrespectful comments that absolutely floored me! I had never been treated like that and would never think of treating anyone else like that. No one believed me at first, but he now also bullies my ex-husband and son. For a while, he turned my daughter against me, and we will never be as close as we once were.
My sisters also now dislike me probably because I have been chronically sick for the past 20 years, and was unavailable to attend family functions. They thought I was on drugs, but I had breast implant illness and mold toxicity, autoimmune diseases, infections, etc, and I was a “hypochondriac”; although I have proof of everything and surgery I had.
My daughter and son-in-law loves them because one is extremely wealthy (multimillionaires by marriage), and the other has latched into her. I am now the only one of three girls that went to college and had a career. But, I’m now the scapegoat in a narcissist family cult.
A neighbor and “sort-of” friend of theirs said they are like “The Twilight Zone”.
Now, I have to prepare myself for when I see them and talk to my sisters who only communicate with me through my daughter. I’m so sad about this because I love everyone and see the good in people, but now I have to be on the defensive. 😢
I’ve decided not to attend family functions where I’m treated with disrespect and ignored. I wish them well, but in a couple of years I will move to another state near my best friend, and not have to worry about my stomach being in knots because of the way I’m treated. 💪💫

This is a masterclass in how NOT to do an interview. Cathy embarrassed herself. JP is a legend!

Her interviewing technique is very aggressive and almost 'bullying' she's obviously trying to get the better of Jordan by interrupting him and trying to put words in his mouth to make him look bad, thankfully Jordan saw past this and behaved admirably 👏👏

Him saying “gotcha” actually helped her. The awkward silence would have been much much worse for her.

I enjoyed your analysis. I loved the "gotcha" moment. It was like a victory shout. This interview was a competitive debate, and Jordan was saying "checkmate." It's what made this interview a classic.

Staying calm and collected is probably one of the most important points. A lot of people, especially on these kind of topics, argue out of emotion. Their arguments will be flawed. Trying to stay on point and correcting their false interpretation of your argument goes a long way. Even better, call them out on their misinterpretation.

Great video! However I do believe this is only applicable when there is an audience involved that can judge the situation objectively. Behind closed doors or 1 to 1 this would have to ble tackled differently and as you said, with a more emotional approach! Great video

Every person dealing with Lawyers should learn this kind of stuff.
This is why he is perfectly capable of defending himself in court.

Something I’ve noticed about Jordan is he never tries to change anyone’s mind. He states his case, and lets the cards fall where they may, so to speak. Also, Kathy was wrong and silly looking and kudos to Jordan for showing that was the case!

My gosh! This man deserves an award after dealing with all the crazy talk without even being rude.

Brilliant analysis. Sadly, not so few people could really use this kind of advice even when interacting with their spouses…

My biggest weakness in arguments is exactly what you described-I use a straw man when I notice someone else is using one. It’s a difficult urge to fight, because it’s an attempt (typically draped in sarcasm) to hold a mirror up to the person and say “this is what you look like!” However, it usually muddies the context of the original point.
Sarcasm can be a great tool when I’m with like-minded people, because conversations become more fun and I form a deeper bond with the select few. But I need to learn how to tone it down in other contexts.

Fantastic video and explanations. I am constantly getting caught in these exact traps to my detriment (even though I can argue the sh!t out of anyone and drive them nuts before I have realised it - in my mind!). I am technically correct, even though usually (says wife!).

Being bullied is no fun for the one being bullied. How do you stop someone from bullying you verbally or even physically? Stand up to them one time, you'll never have to deal with them again.

As a person who spent all of his high school career in speech and debate the most effective way to ask questions was by starting off with “wouldn’t you agree that xyz is bad?”effectively forcing the person being questioned to agree with you or contradict themselves

Peterson: “gotcha”
Newman: “so you’re saying that you now own me.”

I ain't gonna lie. I came up with these strategies on my own whilst arguing with my dad LOL. Perfect test subject.

This video was great. Thank you for sharing it. The man did in the video was fabulous. He showed her where to get off but he did it in the right and true way while she danced around and tried to attack but he successfully dodged all her barbs.

That Jordan Peterson interview in my opinion, is the best example of holding one's own in a conversation. When I first saw that entire interview, I was floored and was mentally taking notes, haha! Bravo, Dr. Peterson!

I’ve never lost an argument. What I do is repeat what they’ve said and work the phrase “your mom” into it

The "so-you-are-saying", question overflow, smash teqnique and questions with assumptions... These are all useful things to know about. Thank you, keep it up

"Sure is nice out today."
"So you're denying climate change?"

I don’t “like” compound questions myself. I’ve always felt like these questions are intended to maybe confuse the issues or if one happens to “miss” an answer to one question they’ll then pounce. Ask me one question at a time and I’ll answer each. It feels like an attack with several questions in rapid fire.

I believe the name for what you called the smash technique is "double barreled question". It happens a lot when amateurs or bad actors create questions on questionnaires. "A double-barreled question is an informal fallacy. It is committed when someone asks a question that touches upon more than one issue, yet allows only for one answer. "

This is a real classic intervue. JBP shows how brilliant he is.
You can watch it many times and still discover new things and learn...

Thank you for this informative video. I am currently taking an American politics class, and even early on, the discussions are conducted in the similarly to the way the journalist conducts her side of the discussion. Unfortunately, as of right now, I don't know nearly enough factual information to be able to put up much of a debate. However, the little I do put forth is more involved with how the discussion is carried out rather than the content of the discussion. I might not know as much as they do but at the very least I want to make sure that the discussion is put in a way to allow for critical thinking and not just crowling others to think a certain way. I want to be able to fully understand and write down different points of view so as to mull over later when I get the chance and actually glene some useful insight from them.

Thank you for the chronology breakdown of the hidden distraction and deceptive proposition that makes one commit themselves to accept falsification to their narrative.

Jordan: uh... this conversation is getting annoying
Cathy: So you're saying talking with women is annoying

I’ve always been of the inclination to not get into arguments in the first place. Then you don’t have to get out of them, (in the second place). Believe it or not there are many ways of dealing with differences in experience, without resorting to belligerence.

One thing i've always commended Jordan and many other intellectuals with is that they never shy away from a question. Often times in argument people will dismiss (or ignore) what the other party is saying in hopes that they will appear more dominant (or correct). Jordan shows the power of acknowledging everything a person says to help him further his own point of view or to expose weakness in their perspective. It also shows humility as opposed to the other method showing arrogance.

People often feel they have to answer quickly before they get interrupted or another question thrown at them. Don’t fear silence, several moments to gather your thoughts and think about what you want to say. It they butt in or start talking before you answer it inly makes them look bad.

She is an example of how everyone is being trained and indoctrinated in the grossly misnamed ‘educational system’ !

I discovered this video and now I am greatly attached to the channel.... these videos breakdown the great psychology/debate with good and fluent English, not like the modern how u doin' type(that is the primary reason why I like this video because I got to hear such good English after a very long time).

Bad idea to play mind games with a psychology professor.

Just shows me fellowship and goodness and understanding among people is less than gone it never was, I’ve given up on society and become a loner

In real life, I always try not to speak too much unless I have to because I am afraid of getting into these kind of arguments, and I was always backed into a corner. This was really informative.

I like what you said at the end about Jordon not addressing the deeper emotional concern of Kathy. That if more people will listen to the heart and connect there, less arguments would be necessary. Kathy may feel that she has an obligation to defend women who have been discriminated against. Maybe she experienced pain in her family and upbringing on this point, making her super sensitive to turn against anyone that does not seem to care about that perspective and experience. Makes it difficult for her to objectively listen to Jordan. She actually just wants to feel loved and valued as a woman. Maybe she has daddy issues, as so many women has.

The reason why he is surviving those agressive interviews is that he is highly compassionate person. That 'gotcha' is the true exemple of it. He defends the truth and wants everyone to believe it, even those how want to see him destroyed.

JP did a fantastic job, leaning back relaxed non aggressive cool and making his points. She was an attack dog, leaning forward bullying and in the end looking a complete fool. I personally very much enjoyed the "Gotcha"

I once had a friend who did this to me. She was great at deflection also. I solved the “problem” by leaving the friendship.

Love the term “ conversional bully”!!! That’s what she is! Rude, arrogant and a bully. She keeps talking over him and won’t let him answer yet he keeps his cool and is respectful yet forceful. Wonderful!!

" if one is always talking but never listening, one can never learn something new!
Yet for some people, this is equivalent to weakness...their ego has been hurt or embarassed.
Not only is it a sign of wisdom to listen respectfully to the other person...but also to find a way to help them save face by using examples that are not personally offensive...
"I had a friend who had the same thing happen,.. he resolved it this way & had fvery good results.

Very informative and helpful! Thank you!

Hi. Would you perhaps do more videos on ending arguments?
Specifically within the male/female relationship/marriage dynamic.? After being married alittle over a decade I have noticed a pattern between my wife and I and I am trying really hard to find the answer to break the cycle.

Thank you so much for this video, really good explanation of this stuff!

The level of patience Peterson has is just out of this world.

Your videos are absolutely amazing. Keep up the great work brother!

I look relaxed because i just don't care. When they bombard me with questions I do not have answers for I stare through their eyes. It works like a charm.

It's easier to end an argument than this video all you have to say is you are absolutely right I totally agree with your point of view

I will try to remember these word play argument tactics the next time I argue with somebody,but that'll be on the night of the next blue moon, because that's how often I do ever get into arguments.

10:09 ok I LOLd for real at this moment. Jordan did an amazing job dissecting that person's argument, and you did an amazing job with this video!

I learned a lot time ago that it’s okay to be wrong and the sooner you can accept that your argument is invalid, the sooner you can learn about the truth. Ask questions, inform yourself, it’s okay to have been wrong. It’s not the end of your intelligence, it’s the start of your growth.

It has been my experience that when people are acting like this woman, using strongman arguments, and otherwise being very dishonest with their line of questioning, not only do they not want to be convinced of your belief, but they almost never will be.
I'm glad you pointed out that Peterson was here likely to hopefully convince the audience, not the host. It sounds like that woman is there to argue and destroy if she can. Nasty.

I think what Kathy didn't mentally address is that an argument can end in agreement. She constantly was looking for a problem making false accusations (as mentioned in the video "straw manning") so when Jordan made the "gotcha" moment she felt embarrassed due to the wrong mindset. Perhaps she saw him as an enemy rather than answers. She could've avoided the embarrassment and asked a question or stated her agreement. Jordan is a man who knows how to argue, that's for sure.

When I usually argue with people I end up yelling as a crazy person because I have anger issues and after I listen them talk and try to start talking they keep cutting me off or when they realize I’m right without saying it they shut me up and say they don’t want to listen to me anymore and still stay on their side and they start talking barley giving me any time to talk which makes me feel like their disrespecting me and I hate being disrespected so I start yelling 😅

Jordan is awesome. The only way to make the world a better place is to work on yourself. Better you're self each day and that is the meaning of life. It make others around you better. Kathy needs to do alot of work.

Jordan spent decades learning psychology. He knows what people mean when they say something.

"Winning" an argument is easy. Changing someone's mind is another story.

People often have preconceived ideas or opinions and seek validation or agreement from others.
Expressing a different opinion can be seen as a challenge or a threat to their beliefs or values.
Some people may try to persuade or pressure others to conform to their views or opinions.
It is important to respect others' opinions while also being authentic and true to yourself.
Effective communication involves active listening, empathy, and open-mindedness, rather than just trying to impose one's own opinion on others.

Amazing psychological analysis. I'm really interested and impressed how people managed to achieve these. It's amazing! U too

I like your channel a lot. I get ran over in almost every conversation I have. Lol

Bottom line, why place yourself in a situation where certain people will try to start up something with you? Frankly, it's simpler to just avoid these types of people. If that isn't possible, then turn and walk away when they begin to ramp themselves up. Nobody needs verbal bullies in their lives.

As a former LEO, I found that it not only makes the Attacking Attorney ANGRY and lose focus, but gives YOU time to think and answer correctly if you "COUNT TO 6" Before answering, Regardless if the moment is High Pitched and the Lawyer is in your face. This REALLY throws the Defendant's Lawyer off his/her game. yeah, I LIKED screwing with Ambulance Chasers.

I remember something like this happening to me back in college. I was eating lunch with some of my fellow math tutors when I made an off-hand remark that had something to do with women's brains having larger language processing centers than men's. Immediately after saying that, the girl sitting next to me (also a math tutor) barked at me, "there's no evidence that men are better at math than women!" Caught off guard, my mind raced to come up with a counter argument. After a second of contemplation, it dawned on me that I didn't actually believe men were inherently better at math and never said anything to that effect. I slowly turned to look at her and calmly asked, "when did I say anything about math?" She immediately backed off, finished her meal in silence, and left about five minutes later.
And GOSH DARN did it ever feel good! Oh yeah, and don't lose your cool or whatever...

Imagine Cathy’s kids seeing that 18 MILLION people have seen their mum be a bully and as thick as two short planks at the same time ! 😮😂

He deals so elegantly and brilliantly with this interview. He's kind of like a conversational Aikido master.

Regardless of the discussion and opinions in the interview itself (never saw beyond this so I don't know) he handled her interview tactics well, good for him!

dam man, thanks for the videos theyre much appreciated i never sub right away i always have to watch a bunch of videos to make sure its sub worthy, but after 2 videos on this channel youve already proven urself thanks again man

I wish there was a way I could make this show in my notifications every day

Jordan: "I like dogs"
Kathy: "So you're saying that you hate cats?"

Wow! Thank you!!! You taught me a lot in a short amount of time.

Very enjoyable video, good analysis of a masterful example of how to be a participant in a conversation instead of just a victim to of one.
I would have liked to see more investigation into what I suppose I will call, for lack of a better term, some possible "Benignly Proactive" moves that could have been used, instead of the mainly Reactionary ones that were. You touch on it briefly on the idea at the end, hypothesizing that if Mr. Peterson had chosen to get at the core of the emotional hostility, instead of dancing around it's symptoms, the whole interview might have been less hostile and more persuasive going forward.
Imagine if Mr. Peterson began to ask questions of his own, instead of merely fielding (albeit, brilliant) the traps and attacks? I think there is a mental block for some of us, self included, against going on the 'offensive' [not being offensive, that's different, but talking about seizing the momentum in a conversation], because we don't conceptualize the conversation as a chance to score points, but as a trial to avoid losing points.
Maybe in this specific example, these tools wouldn't have been the most appropriate, being a formal show environment with him cast as interviewee. However, generally speaking, being ready and willing to call hostile and manipulative counterparts out on what they are doing and digging into why this behavior is happening can and should be one of your conversational tools, as it puts the pressure off you and onto them.
Questions like "Why did you come here to pick a fight, I thought this was an interview?" or "Can we pause here for a moment to address the underlying hostility in the way you have been framing your questions? We're both people trying to communicate our framework for understanding the world, why aren't you seemingly interested in having that honest discussion?" or even a playful "You don't like me or my ideas very much, do you?" could have served to stall out the assault and put Cathy on the defensive, invoking perhaps even reflection, and importantly, could achieve all of that without being unkind, overly aggressive, or manipulative.
Just my two cents, and maybe you cover a similar idea in another video so all of this isn't really new ground. Either way, will be subscribing and watching more content from your channel. Thank you.

whoa who whoa... I never actually thought there was so much mind work going on behind the sceens. Truly love this guy.

Arguing takes efforts, even when you're very good at it. Making it look effortless helps...

Thanks man ! love your videos!. A good one to use is, pause... and then after facial body language and voice of an inquisitive and curious almost kindness of a neutral tone and say "that's an interesting point of view" ! encourage their analysis and listen intently, look away when they criticise and pause again. When you ask them to explain their line of questioning and judgements they will often begin to find flaws in their own opinions and judgements by reverting to a open minded neutrality that you handed to them on a plate !

Peterson: “What a clear, sunny day.”
Newman: “So you’re saying clouds have no right to be here?”

I will forever be grateful for the single course in Logic I took in University. I'm astounded this vital subject isn't even mentioned in schools. Understanding logical fallacy and recognizing it in peoples arguments has allowed me to effectively disseminate information in institutionalized/social media. Having said that, it's annoying reading comments on anything regarding Jordan Peterson because as we all know, the internet is a cesspool of lies and stupidity.

these videos are literally therapy for me

She got a highly skilled interview technique to pick exactly who’s the person behind.

As Nietzsche said (roughly): if you answer someone's questions, in doing so, you validate the terms in which they depict reality.

Wow thank you so much for that video.🙂 my ex-wife was a lawyer and I used to come home after A Hard Day's work and she would begin these arguments and I couldn't figure out where she was coming from or nothing, she had such a debative spirit I'm going what is going on and as a lawyer those things that she learned in debating in the courtroom she brought to the marriage and she created a divorce. She sued me and took everything that I had including my business and most of my personal stuff. I was so belittled for years I was distraught and felt somewhat overwhelmed and not even a man anymore. I wished I knew how I could have answered the questions without being upset. I think that somewhat a lawyer woman would not do that to a man knowing what they know.

He is a clinical psychologist with years of experience dealing with angry, self righteous people like the interviewer.

LOVE the vid, learned some. Will definitely need to rewatch a few times to get more. Seemed to go too fast for me.

If anyone starts firing off rapid fire accusations like she did, just let her blabber on, stare at her. Then be like "You done?" You can NEVER let the attacker set the pace of the conversation or you will be their puppet. Force them to obey the curteous "game of catch" that it should be and you avoid all these traps outright.

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